War of The Sex
by GreenFranApples888
Summary: "Why? Are you gonna stalk me now?" "No dipshit." I glowered at him. "We're neighbors." Collaboration with AnneKaye. AU, Humor, Lemons? AH.
1. Chapter 1

[Unbeta'd]

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**Hey. I know i haven't updated in a long, long, looong time. But a friend of mine, greenfranapples888 wanted to make a collaboration with me. I started the off the story and when she finishes with the second chapter, I'd be more than happy to post it for you. Give her a visit. **

**Disclaimer: All things belong to their rightful owner. Stephanie Meyer owns the Twilight characters**

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**Chapter 1- Whore**

_War of the Sex_

"Shit," I muttered and swerved the car to the left.

I heard Bella laugh over the phone. "What?" she asked.

"I almost ran over a stupid cat," I grumbled. I balanced the phone on my shoulder and turned the car. A car honked at me and I flipped him off.

"You do know that there's a law for talking on the phone while driving right?" Bella chuckled lightly. "Why are you calling me?"

"I was going to be nice and ask if you need any new toys, crapface," I snapped at her. I was sexually frustrated, forgive me. "Well do you? I found a store."

I can almost imagine my best friend sitting in her prestigious office, tomato red. "No," she whispered into the phone. "I'm fully equipped, thank you very much."

"We said bye-bye to box of _pleasure buddies_ when the idiots at the airport transferred it to the wrong loading station," I reminded her.

"Oh," she hummed on the phone. "Well then, get me whatever."

I heard the familiar sound of her pager go off and I groaned. "I know, I know," I told her. "A patient just came in, huh?" I didn't give her time respond and instead asked, "I'll see you tonight, right? Or do you have a double shift?"

"My shift ends at eight," she answered. I heard some shuffling and I figured she was putting her coat and stethoscope on.

"Well, will you be on call?" I asked.

"Rose, no," she said quickly. "I really have to go."

She was in her Dr. Swan mode now and I could hear her running.

"You have no excuse this time!" I shouted at her. "Its girls first night out in Los Angeles, baby! I love you! Bye!" I hung up before she could protest.

We recently moved from New York to sunny California. I hadn't originally planned on moving but everything changed two months ago. Bella graduated from Harvard Medical a year ago and her playing field was in pediatrics. Bella has a really soft spot for children. She chose pediatrics over obstetrics and gynecology. She already started working on her residency in New York but she received an offer from the Red Cross in LA. Both the pay and the position were much higher. My other best friend, Alice Brandon, is a fashion designer. She's been working on her line for almost two years now and her sponsor lives in Los Angeles. The production of her line would be in California and Alice was asked to move here.

My family owns branches of Hale Motors nationwide. There are about three branches in California and since I didn't want to be alone in New York, I'll take over the management here. My father works at the headquarters in Chicago and he didn't mind as long as everything ran smoothly. He hired someone to be my assistant and she'll be flying down here soon. The Hale Motors in Los Angeles is the one that brings in a lot of money because it's always the busiest. On my first day, a flock of five cars came in early in the morning. Two of them made a sandwich with one. The fourth ran straight into a pole, damaged his hood, and set off his bag. The fifth needed a change of break pads. There were a total of fifteen employees and so the repair took less time.

"Fucking flight lost our fucking dildos. Fucking lady wouldn't check again," I grumbled to myself as I made a beeline to the dildo section. Oh god, pink everywhere. Pink and purple and everything girly. I just needed three dildos for now and I was set for a month. "One for Alice," I hummed when I saw our new buddies. "One for Bella. And one for me."

"Do you need help with those, babe?" a voice chortled from beside me.

I turned my head and gulped. He had sparkling blue eyes and curly brown hair. He wore a tight V-neck shirt that hugged his muscled body. His arm was propped lazily against the shelf and his left leg slung over his right foot. His biceps were thick and his dimpled smile only made me hornier. I nearly drooled over this hunk of meat in front of me when what he said finally reached my brain. I glowered at him and resisted the urge to lick his lips.

"That's a very tempting offer," I told him and he smiled. "But I don't accept offers from whores." I turned around and walked away from him. I heard his deep sexy laugh follow me to the front. I dropped the stuff off the counter and whipped out my wallet.

"That's where you're wrong, sweetheart. I'm not a whore," he insisted.

"Piss off, pervert," I glared at him. The girl scanned my stuff and I handed her my card. She looked at the whore next to me and I smiled.

"When you come in a dildo store, you should expect assholes like this guy," the girl rolled her eyes. "Fuck off, Emmett. Don't scare the customers."

"I was just kidding," the guy guffawed. "You're not from around here are you?" I opened my mouth to speak but he cut me off. "Wait, don't tell me. You're snobby, uptight, pale, and you can't take a joke. I'm guessing you're a Yankee."

"Nope. Dodgers," I shook my head at him.

The girl howled with laughter and bagged my things.

"Nice one," he said. "Will we see your pretty little ass back in here soon?"

"With you around?" I raised an eyebrow. "Don't count on it."

I said my thanks to the girl and walked out. I tossed the bag in the back and drove off to work. The traffic in LA was no better than the one back home.

Then I remembered New York wasn't home anymore. There were too many bad memories and too many heart breaks there. The three of us swore men for life. Well, figuratively; we still need their southern anatomy. Bella had the worst of it all and poor girl had trust issues now. We try to get her to go clubbing but being a medical student covered things up for her. And now, she's busy working on her residency.

I used to believe that I will find my man someday and he will sweep me off my feet. I thought I had that with my ex-boyfriend, Royce, but I was most definitely wrong. Men are stupid. They can't think straight with all their blood flowing in their groin. And the idiot at the dildo store just further proved my point.

"Yo, Rosie!" Tyler called when I hopped off the car. He had smudges already all over his face and overalls. He walked up to me with a goofy grin on his face.

"Good morning," I told him.

"Guess what Mike just did."

"What the fuck did that idiot do now?" I shook my head.

I change my mind; men are stupid minus these guys that work with me. Tyler is a happily married thirty-year-old man with two kids. Mike is engaged and soon to be married next month. Eric, Alec, Sam, Embry, Riley, Collin, Paul, Peter, Jose, and Roberto are all still pretty young but definitely trustworthy. They're good guys with good heads on their shoulders _but _are taken. Then I have the old timers who've been working for Hale Motors for forty years now. Harry, Amun, and Liam will soon be heading into a happy retirement with their wives and grandchildren.

_Dear god, have you not left me any good men in the world?_

"He set off an airbag because he sat on top of it. He flew way up into the ceiling," Tyler told me. I froze.

"Is he alright?" I asked.

Tyler waved me off. "He's fine. He landed on the bubble wraps."

I shook my head as we walked into a garage full of men laughing their heads off and a Mike rubbing his arse. "We'll talk about this later," I pointed at him and he nodded. "How many do we already have this fine California morning?"

"This baby was just delivered an hour ago," Tyler said. He patted the tire of the car above us. It was an Acura set on the platform and its hood and bumper lay on the floor beside it. "She collided with the rear of that car." He pointed to the red Toyota.

"Insurance?" I asked as I looked over the clipboard Eric handed me.

"Of course," Tyler nodded. "This chick got one hellava good insurance."

"What about that silver Volvo over there?" I asked.

"That expensive Volvo over there was robbed last night. All windows smashed. Paul hauled it in with his truck about seven o'clock in the morning. The passenger door was jack hammered and the front tires were slashed."

My heart dropped for this pretty car. Fuck, I'd be so pissed.

"Damn," I whistled. "A Volvo no less. Did anyone set the door order?"

"Riley set the order for the model and it'll be here in two days," Tyler said. "I'm going to the tire place downtown for a whole new set. He wanted them all changed."

"_He_ would be Mr. Cullen," I read off the paper. "He must have had a little quarrel with someone."

"Sure did," he chuckled. "An ex-girlfriend actually, 'nuff said."

After my morning round of checkups, I continued working on the car that came yesterday. The girl was pulling out of her parking lot and made the rooky mistake of turning the wheel the wrong way. She smashed her side against the wall and made a pretty deep dent. It wasn't the bad because I was able to pull it out. But the body paint was surely damaged. After a few hours, I finished it and rang her up. She would be here around three this afternoon, just in time for the gloss to dry.

A car honked out on the lot and Paul waved at us. Attached to his tow-truck was a steaming Jeep Wrangler. Mike was the first to ogle.

"Boy, we got a stinker over here!" Mike howled.

"Radiator's probably over-heated," Tyler muttered.

"And the idiot didn't know how to put water in it," I laughed with him.

What do you know? The idiot from the dildo store stepped out of the passenger side. He was muttering under his breath and took one longing looks at his car.

"You have to take this one," I told Tyler.

He turned his head and approached us. I crossed my arm and waited as his gorgeous eyes met mine.

"Why? You just finished _Mallory's_ car," he shook his head at me.

He gave me a toothy grin. I almost smiled along with him but I held it in.

"Sweetheart," idiot smiled at me.

"Well, looks like you can take care of this guy, Rosie," Tyler laughed quietly under his breath. "I have a few things to do. Now, if you'll excuse me."

He made his exit and I was left alone with the idiot.

"What's the problem?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said. "You work here?"

"Yes," I gritted my teeth. "What happened to the car?"

"I…I don't know. The car just started to steam. I freaked out and I couldn't see anything so I damaged the bumper a little when I hit the tree."

"Why was it towed?" I asked. "I'm sure it had enough time to cool down."

"Front tire is kinda punctured and before you ask, I don't know how," he scratched his head. "Hey, I'm really sorry about the debacle at the store. I didn't know it would offend you or anything. I was just kidding."

I gave him a smile. "I wasn't offended," I told him. "Come to the office and fill out some papers while I check the car out."

"I'm Emmett by the way," he told me.

"Rosalie," I shook his outstretched hand.

Like predicted, it was a problem with the radiator. But it wasn't just over heated. He told me just drove down from Vegas but Tyler's radiator didn't steam like his did. I looked again and found a defective radiator cap. All he needed to do was replace it, something that could have been done without our help. He said he didn't know how and I should have known.

"I should have it done before we close tomorrow. Tyler will get the tires first thing in the morning and you're lucky, there's not much damage to the bumper. Just a scratch, it didn't kill your baby," I explained it all to him.

I looked over his papers, noted the cell phone number, and insurance agency. Then, my heart dropped when I looked at his address.

"You live on Olympic Avenue?" I blanched.

"Sure do," he nodded. "We just moved in."

"We?" I asked.

"I have roommates. More like brothers actually," he looked around the garage. "Why? Are you gonna stalk me now?"

I was angry again. "No, you dipshit," I snapped at him.

"We're neighbors."

_War of the Sex_

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**No drama in this story. Maybe a dash but this full of sweet fluffly smut. Give greenfranapples888 a visit and give me a review. **

_**Kaye. **_


	2. Chapter 2

**~~~~~Hi! I'm GreenFranApples888! Whatt uppp.**

**Ok! Just wanted to say that this is going to be a collaboration with AnneKaye. If you read the first chapter, then all the deets should have already been said :D This is going to be my very first serious piece. I hope I do well! Please read and enjoy! OH! AND BEFORE I FORGET! There is a tiny lemony scene in the near future, so you have been warned!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight... Stephanie Meyer does... Although, funny thing... the idea for this story totally came to me in a dream... not**

**Onward ho(not the literal sense...)~~~~~~**

****Chapter 2- Misunderstanding****

APOV

I love my job! I honestly do! Today alone, I already finalized the final touches for a wedding dress. Flora DeClaire is going to love it! So... what time is it? Oh Crap! Rose and Bella are going to be soo pissed with me! I was going to be at least 20 minutes late. I got all my things fixed and ready for tomorrow when I came back to work. I was halfway out the door when the office phone rang. It was probably one of the girls... I'm guessing Bella. " Hey Bella! Sorry! I know I'm late but i'll be there in less then 15 minutes! Promiseee! I'm guessing 25 to be the maximum!" I took a long and deep breath to calm myself down after my mini screaming session, but it was cut off when I heard a deep voice with a twangy southern drawl that wasn't Rose's or Bella's. In fact, it was distinctively male. "(chuckling) Umm, i'm not Bella ,sorry, but if you're in a hurry, I can call back at a time that's better for you..." Shit... his voice alone was turning me on. Ok breathe in...breathe out... "Oh,Hello! I apologize for that! I was expecting a call." Expecting a call my butt. Shut up inner A "No prob. But honestly, I can call back

tomorrow or something..." Noooooooooo! I need to keep this sexy voice on the phone. Bella and Rose can wait. I NEED A MAN! " Don't worry about it. What is it that you wanted to discuss with me?" Yes! I sounded smooth and very professional like! " Well, I need a dress to be made and I hear from a couple sources that the Alice Brandon designs are the A-list designs." He has amazing sources. "Well, thank you very much, but I just do what the customer likes and if it's to there satisfaction then that's great." I am soo coool! "Hehehe, yes. Well, I was wondering if it would be alright for me to send someone in. She will tell you what she wants and you can get her size and everything." Darn! If he's married... ima be pissed! "Well, that's perfect! Send her in tomorrow morning at 11, i'll be free to assist her myself." Size her up actually. " That's great! I'll do just that. Thank you very much!" Sigh! Time to say goodbye. (Hehehe! I love Andrea Buccelli) " No prob. Have a nice day!" Bye Sexy Voice "Thanks same to you" I put down the phone once I heard the dial tone. Oh shizpies! I forgot to ask him what his name was!

~LATER THAT NIGHT~

_I walked inside the room, and felt a presence there with me. "Hello? Is someone in here?" I walked around my room and opened the closet door, nope no one there. I tried the bathroom door, again no one was there. I ignored that prickling sensation on the back of my neck and started stripping out of my day clothes. I put on my pajama dress and got into bed. I turned on my side and was about to fall asleep when all of a sudden I felt warm breath being blown onto my ear. I shivered and was about to turn around when suddenly both of my hands were bound together by a piece of cloth. "Nuh uh uh" I heard a voice say with a southern drawl. "You're mine tonight." He put my hands over my head and told me not to move them. Then he kissed me and I then poured all of my pent up frustration and longing into that one kiss. It was so hot and carnal that it made me want to clench my thighs. "Tsk Tsk Tsk, someone's being naughty." He then put his knees in between my legs so it separated them. "You don't come until I tell you to come! You. Are. Mine. Do you understand me? I couldn't say anything so I just whimpered in consent. He kissed down my neck and kept on kissing lower and lower until he finally reached the place that I wanted him most...well, second most. He kissed my nipples and then started sucking on one while twisting and pinching the other. Then he switched off between the two. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he started kissing and licking his way lower and lower until he reached where I really wanted him to be. He pulled my dress up and gasped when he saw that I was wearing nothing underneath. He kissed my inner thigh and then he suddenly stopped and looked out the door. "ALICE! ALICE!"Who was bothering me while I was with... huh... I don't even know his name... or what he looks like! Oh whatever, I just wanted him to keep on doing what he was doing! "ALICEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" I then looked at the mystery man -who was covered by the darkness- who, at the moment, had his head in between my legs. I sensed his smirk gracing his lips. "Till next time... Alice..." Nooo! I wanted too scream and thrash amd will him to stay but for some reason I couldn't talk or move... "ALICEEEEE! WAKE THE FUCK UPPPP!"_

I woke up immediately when I heard that. "Woah, prissy little Bella cursed!" "Hahaha!You already know I curse Alice! And I had to! It seemed as if you were having a nightmare!" Then I remembered, my dream... nightmare it wasn't... "Oh... well thanks!" It's not like I'm about to tell my best friend that I had a sex dream about a mystery man. She would tell Rose and then they would both give me crap. Not that care, but for some reason... I wanted to keep this man all to myself.

~THE NEXT DAY~

"I love my job. You guys know that! But I honestly don't wanna go to work today! I don't know why, but I have a bad feeling about this and you guys know that my feelings are always right!" I was having a three-way conversation between Rose and Bella about whether I should go to work or not. So far, I was losing. " Alice! You have to go to work! What if someone pops in suddenly and it's a scouter person thingy that wants to buy all of this seasons collection!" I loved Bella, but she was so clueless about fashion at times. "Bella, sweetie... no one is going to want to buy a whole seasons worth of clothing. Anyone who is anyone knows that the fashion business is very temperamental. It can change as faster than the snap of my fingers." That's the only thing I hated about this job. You make an amazing dress and then it's out of style the next day. Bella started to laugh. "Well, I guess I'm not anyone then." Rose started talking then. "Just go to work Alice. And you have to remember! Because of that phone call you got that made you 45 minutes late for our lunch." Wow. She will never let that go. " Wow! You're never gonna let that go are you?" "Hahaha! No way! And didn't you say he had a sexy voice? You totally have to ask for his name when you guys meet!" Oh yaaa! Mr. Sexy Voice! We had a meeting at_SHIT! "I have to go guys! Ima be late for work!" Before I hung up, I heard Bella and Rose laughing. "I knew bringing him up would sway her." HUH! "I HEARD THAT ROSALIE LILLIAN HALE!" They laughed some more, then I hung up for reals!"

Once I arrived at my store, I immediately saw a car parked out front. Crapstix! I made potential costumers wait for me! That was so unprofessional! Breathe in...Breathe out...

It's okay! I'll just hurry up and invite them into the store already. Crap! They are already getting out of the car. I took that as my cue to get out of my car, and rush to open up my store. I was searching for my key while simultaneously trying to reach my store before the costumers when I collided into something warm, hard, and broad chested. I had no time to spare, so I just screamed sorry and ran on. Once I got into the shop, I tried to fix things around and make it look orderly. Just when I was about to relax, that bell rang (the one that signals when someone enters or exits a store). Normally, I wouldn't be so flustered, but... UGHH! I didn't even want to go to work in the first place, and then I was late and made people wait! I was talking to myself internally, when I suddenly heard soft chuckles from in front of me. Oh buttcheeks! I totally forgot that a costumer just entered the shop! I took a few seconds to bring myself together and then I looked up and my eyes met the most startlingly deep ocean blue eyes I had ever seen in my life. OH MY GOSH! HE'S SOO HOTT! I couldn't breathe! Then I heard chuckling. PLEASE GOD NOO! DON'T TELL ME I SAID THAT OUT LOUD! " Uhh... sorry, but you did..." Oh my gosh! That sexy southern drawl! It poured down me like melted chocolate of delicious strawberries. Crap I need to work on my filter! " Umm... sorry about that! I was thinking about how you remind me so much of my Great-uncle's Son's Brother's child's child." Phew! Nice Save! " So, like a nephew of some sort? That's cool... if not a bit weird..." Oh shitfreakdarn! Now he thinks I think my nephews hot? " Uh...ya. Anyway, I see you are my 10:00 appointment?" I could at least try and save my pride by being a bit proffesional. I heard him chuckle then he said, " Yes, that's us." Then he beckoned to someone in the back who was looking at my one of a kind dresses. "Yo foxy mama! Come here and meet your new designer of dresses!" Then the lady he was talking to walked over and the minute I saw her I burned with envy! My sexy dream guy had a woman! That was beyond gorgeous! Ugh! Forget about them and remain professional. Before I could talk, sexy guy said, " This is Esme. She is my_" I cut him off before he could say, loved one, my beautiful wife, my sexy fiance, or anything that would make my ears bleed. " That's alright! Let's keep this as professional as possible. I don't need to know who she is to you. However, my name is Alice, and I will be the one designing your dress." Yes, I guess it sounds a bit bitchy but I couldn't really care less. " Umm... all right then but I was just gonna tell you that she's my_" Ugh! What is with him and the T.M.? " Okay! Come here Ms. Esme and let's get your measurements." The little Esme bitch then smiled and winked at her wonder boy and came with me to the fitting room.

Once we got her measurements, we started chatting and giggling and I realized that Esme wasn't so bad! She was actually pretty cool! Whatever, I don't need Mr. Sex on legs also known as "He who makes thy thighs clench"! Esme and I wrapped everything up and I told her I would get her dress made as soon as possible so she could come in for the fitting. It was going to be a cream silk gown that had tiny beaded crystals along the neck and she wanted me to embroider pure white and pale pink ribbons along the side. We walked out and she went to get her purse from her lover so she could pay me measurements and alterations fees ahead of time. I got to the cash register spot just in time to answer my phone. " Hey Bella! What's up?" " Oh, nothing much Aly, I just wanted to remind you to come home straight after work so we can finally get to decorating and furnishing our new house!" "Oh! Ok! Don't worry about! I'll leave about and hour early so I can get there on time for once!" " OK! Luvya! I'll see you later!" " K! Bye Bells!" Once I hung up, Esme and Jasper were already at the desk. "Okay. So the beginning fee sums up to, $478 already including the tax." Jasper pulled out a wad of bills out of his wallet and handed them to me. When I looked at them, I was utterly stupefied when I found out that they were all 1 dollar bills. What. a. dick. I just looked at him and waited for an explanation. He just stared right back at me and then he had the _nerve_ to smirk at me. I couldn't control my death glare then. It just came out and was so close to bursting that I literally had to hold my hands together to keep myself from either strangling him or grabbing him and kissing the heck out of him. However, the former one was winning between the two. He was the first to break the silence. " Is there a problem?" WHAT! HE IS ASKING ME IF THERE IS A FURKING PROBLEM? THAT SON OF A BITCH! "No," I said sweetly, "there is no problem. How about you both wait here while I count the bills." Then I took my slow and sweet time counting the bills. He gave me exactly $539, so that meant I owed him $61 of change. I then gave him $61 in change form, meaning in nickels, dimes, and pennies. I put it all in a spare zip-lock baggy and handed it to him along with the receipt. "Here you go!" I said with a big smile. It became a sincere smile when I was the shocked look on his face. " Have a nice day! Hope to see you soon Esme!" Esme looked like she was trying to hold back laughter when she said, "I hope you have a nice day too dear!" Then she leaned in to me and whispered, " That was very ingenious of you dear. My son is to mischievous for his own good." Then she winked at me. Wait... what? "Huh? Son?" She just smiled at me and nodded. Oh... so she's his mother? I started laughing to myself in joy, before I remembered I sort just became his enemy. I looked to her son and saw that he was staring at me really intensely. It was starting to give me the chills. "What are you looking at?" Then he smirked at me once more. "I'm just trying to remember the face of the first woman who landed her butt on my shit-list." What? Shit-list? "Ha! Whatever sir! It won't matter since we won't be seeing each other again." He gave me a confused look. "But, what about Esme's fitting?" Oh ya! Forgot about that... "Well, if Esme doesn't mind, then I'm going to ask her to have lunch with me that day, so there won't be any need to see you, will there?" Before he could say anything, Esme cut him off. " I would love to Alice dear. Put your number on the back of your business card and I'll contact you when I'm free." I did as she asked and gave her a hug before they took their leave. I looked at the time and was surprised by how much time had passed. I locked up and drove to our new house. Once I got there, I saw a familiar car in the parking space of our next door neighbors. Oh well, maybe it's a car I saw in passing somewhere. I walked up to my house and was about to open the front door, when I heard a familiar voice that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. "Well well well, it looks like we meet again." I turned around and looked up into the familiar amused and sparkling deep sapphire eyes of my newly acquainted arch-nemesis. " YOU?"

**~~~~~~~~~~~AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, that's the second chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it!**

**By the way, I got tons of help from Hugbug8! Thank you very much! Give me more ideas for the future!**

**I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. I hope it won't take that long ever again. This chapter hasn't been beta'ed so please excuse any mistakes you see!**

**Thank you guys!**

**Oh! And if you like where this story is going or if you have an suggestions or ideas for the future... then please :D review :D~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**


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